Brianna's Blog Post # 10

Riding With Fear

(Molly and I when I would hold on with everything, even my toes ;D)

I was raised right in the sense that I, like many others, had the privilege of owning a pony. My adoring little pony was a gift from my late grandfather. Not only was my pony a mare, but she was a fury red mare. She was devilish and her lessons were brutal but it seems I still enjoy riding so her lessons were not enough to drive me away. Molly was and still is that cruel teacher that snarls and states “grow up or get out”.

When I was five or six years old I was enjoying a ride on my wicked stead when my mom, also my first instructor, says “take the two foot”. She said it as if it we were just playing around. And I, with all my fear of what my sweet little pony would do on the other side or in between or even before the “massive” fence, concocted an epic reply with a mixture of fear, anger, and the slightest hope that my mother would see the light and not insist on the whole two foot idea. I frowned and pouted out “well I'm gonna die”. So naturally my over protective mother said “well then get it over with”. I did. I took the two foot and I was fine. I did not die. In fact I landed on the other side whipped around and realized that the fear had turned into fun. I also declared, at the end of the ride, that I would never jump higher than two foot.

I always find this early example of my fear an interesting hint at the timidity I would always have and my ability to box it up and deal with it on the other side of whatever I feared. I have always been a timid rider. I fear horses who turn into sky leapers and squirrels. But after many years of fear turning into anger I found that it was better to take the fear, analyze its validity, and then box it up and prevent it from effecting my riding. Prevent the fear from turning into anger.

Anger is almost always a product of ones fear. Human nature is to control what we fear. Take a death grip of the danger and attack it before it attacks us. The only issue with that nature and horses is that our horses are the danger that is being attacked and their nature is to run from attackers. In the end our fear creates our own issues when we ride. We tearify our teammate. Riders have to become a special kind of human who finds calm in the caos. We have to let go of the danger and persuade it to become something lovely.